Boundaries are a great way to exercise autonomy in relationships. If you find certain topics, people, or situations drain your emotional reserves, it’s completely appropriate to put up a boundary with someone regarding it!
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Some examples of boundaries look like:
- “It really upsets me every time we discuss _______ so from now on can we avoid talking about it?”
- “Being in that _________ situation gives me anxiety, so can we think of somewhere else to go instead?”
- “I’m going through a lot right now and don’t have the energy to give you the attention you deserve right now, can I check in with you in a few days?”
- “Last week we talked a lot about what you are going through, is it okay if we prioritize some things I’m going through today?”
Bad boundaries often take the form of silencing Black, Indigenous, and People of colour when they try to speak up. Some examples of bad boundaries can be tone-policing (“I won’t speak to you about this until you speak to me more nicely.”) stonewalling (“I refuse to discuss this with you.”) or gaslighting (“If you always felt this way you would have set something before.”) Please always take note of power-dynamics in relationships (racial, gender, professional) and understand the nuances when it comes to boundary-setting in difficult conversations with anyone who is Black, Indigenous, or a Person of colour.
